100 hari pemergianmu Ayah..

Tanpa kusedari..inilah hari yg ke-100 pemergianmu..selagi nyawaku dikandung badan, selagi itulah doaku buatmu akan kukirimkan..

Ayah Pergi Jua..

Ayah
entah iya
entah tidak
aku bagaikan tdk percaya
bermimpikah aku?

Ayah
jantung ku bergegar
tubuh badan ku menggeletar
tanganku terketar-ketar
ptt la hatiku berdebar-debar
lgsg kulupa bertanya khabar

Ayah
lemah longlai rasanya
aku meraung memanggil namamu
di saat ku mendapt berita itu

oh tuhan!
benarkah ini?
saatnya telah tiba..
Kau ambil nyawanya
Kau pisahkan roh dgn jasadnya
Kau lebih mengetahui..
Kau yg berkuasa dlm menentukan ajal maut hambamu


Ayah
kau terbaring di situ
menanti waktu untuk dimandikan
menanti waktu untuk dikapankan
menanti waktu untuk disembahyangkan
menanti waktu untuk dikebumikan
menanti waktu untuk ditalkinkan


Ayah
mati itu pasti
kemana saja kita lari
maut tetap mengekori

Ayah
kau pergi jua
kau pergi tak kembali
kau pergi menghadap yg Esa


Ayah
kami mengiringimu dgn doa
damailah kau di sana
smg rohmu dicucuri rahmatNya
di tmptkan dikalangan mereka yg dikasihiNya
amin ya rabbulalamin..Al-Fatihah..

Hasil Nukilan
Anees Hadi
Sempena hari ke-100 pemergian ayah..
20 January 2010

Ayah pergi jua...

13/10/2009...satu tarikh yg tidak akan aku lupakan sampai bila-bila..terlalu berat untuk aku mulakan entry ini..

Pada pagi itu..aku ke pejabat seperti biasa..aku terfikir kenapa dgn rayyan malam tadi..kenapa dia tidak tidur sampai ke pagi..dia leka menonton TV..walaupun skali skala dia menghampiri aku untuk menyusu..dia kembali menonton TV...apabila aku bangun utk solat subuh dia msh menonton TV..aku menjadi pelik..ada sesuatu akan berlaku ke ari ni? Oh tidak! 2-3 ari lepas aku ada bermimpi gigi geraham aku tercabut..abis berdarah dlm mulut aku..seolah2 gigi aku itu benar-benar tercabut..Dlm minggu lepas juga mata kiriku bergerak2..isshhhh!! kenapa ni? semasa arwah nenek meninggal Februari lepas, perkara sama berlaku..adakah ayah??? Ya Allah! Jangan la Kau ambil nyawa ayahku dulu..aku ingin menziarahinya hujung mgu ini..

Bla aku sampai ke opis..aku memulakan kerja seperti biasa..sehinggalah waktu tengah hari..aku kuar lunch..lebih kurang 4 lebih..tiba2 ada satu panggilan masuk dari kakak aku.."Hello!"ucapku pada kakak.."sah, ayah dah x de!"..."Apa?" balasku..seakan gugur jantungku mendgr berita itu..aku meraung sekuat2 atiku..mengapa ya Allah? mengapa? aku seolah2 hilang akal..rakan pejabat sibuk memujukku..tp aku bnr2 sedih..

Rakan pejabat terpaksa menelefon suamiku untuk mengambilku pulang..keadaan aku ketika itu tdk mengizinkan aku untuk memandu..sesudah suamiku smp..kami trs ke Kota Damansara utk mengambil Rayyan dan mengemas baju..

Tiada apa yg dpt kukatakan lagi..ayah pergi jua..pergi tak kembali..

"Semoga Allah mencucuri rahmat ke atas roh ayah..dan ditempatkan di kalangan orang2 yg beriman..Al-Fatihah..Amiin"

Oh ayah!

Ayah..

Betapa aku ingin berada di sisi mu di ketika dan saat ini..
Betapa aku sentiasa berdoa agar kau segera sembuh
Betapa aku ingin melihatmu kembali seperti dulu
Betapa aku sentiasa ingin melihat kau kembali senyum

Ayah..

Kami sayang kamu
Kami sokong kamu
Kami perlu kamu
Kami rindu kamu

Ayah..

Segala nasihatmu menjadi pegangan kami kini
Segala tunjuk ajar mu menjadi ikutan kami kini
Segala katamu menjadi ingatan kami kini

Ayah..

Tak terbalas budimu pada kami
Tak terbayar jasamu pada kami
Tak ternilai kasih sayangmu pada kami
Tak terucap terima kasih kami pada kamu

Ayah..

Kuatkan semangatmu..
Tabahkan hatimu..

Sembuhlah ayah..

Dari kami..
Insan-insan yang menyayangi kamu..
Isterimu,anak-anakmu, menantu-menantumu dan cucu-cucumu..

Hasil nukilan..
aneess
14 August 2009

03.08.2009 - Hari Jadi Ayah

Pada 03.08.2009 yang lalu adalah hari lahir ayah..mmg x de buat sambutan apa2 sbb kebetulan pada ari yg sama ayah kena operate untuk kali ke-2...mmg sedih yg teramat sgt..apa yg dpt kami lakukan hanya berdoa pd Allah S.W.T smg ayah selamat menjalani pembedahan tersebut..

Selepas pembedahan, ayah berada di ICU selama 3 ari..mmg sedih melihat keadaan ayah sakit yg teramat sgt..aku menahan air mata dari tumpah di depan ayah..keluar je dari bilik ICU..air mata aku x dpt ditahan2 lg..mencurah laju tanpa dipinta..betapa aku kesian melihat keadaan ayah..alangkah bagusnya andai dpt aku berada di sisi ayah..

"Semoga ayah cepat sembuh dan tabah menghadapi ujian dari Allah S.W.T.."

Another Operation..

On 3rd August 2009..my father had another operation..he has to have the operation because after the 1st operation he can't eat @ drink..pity my father..

2 days before the operation, all of us (brothers and sisters) were coming back to see him..to give him support and courage..

After the operation, my father was sent to ICU..no complication but it is a MUST for him to stay at ICU..

On Monday night, I asked my husband to go back to my hometown to see my father. I also asked my brother to go back with me.

Yesterday, during 1st session visiting hour, we went to the hospital to see him. As he is in the ICU, we have to follow very strict rules. When I called my father, he gave some response..means he can hear what we were saying..Alhamdulillah..

During 2nd session visiting hour, I recite Yaasin for him and some other ayat-ayat suci Al-Quran..

"Ya Allah Ya tuhanku, kau sembuhkanlah ayahku..berikanlah dia kekuatan untuk menghadapi ujian dari Mu ini Ya Allah..Amiin"

Emergency Call

Last Friday (24.07.2009, noon)..i'd received emergency call from my sister..she said my father cannot breath..she asked me to go back ASAP..

I'd received the call after I'm having my lunch with my colleagues @ Midvalley..after i'd received the call, I can't do anything..i'm praying for my father..I want to go back now..I sent sms to my husband and tell him that I want to go back to my hometown to see my father..I can't stop my tears..i'm crying all the way back to the office..i'd informed my boss that i want to 1/2 day leave because i want to go back to my hometown...i'm crying all the way back to my house..I kept praying..

When I'd reached home, my mother in law is ready with her bag..we are waiting for my husband..I'd packed all the things..fetched my baby from the nursery..

All the way to my hometown I kept praying..Hopefully nothing gonna happen to my father..

Before Maghrib we'd reached my house in kampung..I saw my father..Oh! no..very painful...he hugged me..he said "Ingatkan tak dapat jumpa dah.." everybody is crying.. at the same time my brother also arrived with his wife..my father also hugged him so hard..

From that moment, I can see his painful is released..not much..but a little..we can see he really in pain..pity him..he don't want to go to the hospital....

"Ya Allah Ya Tuhanku, kasihanilah mereka sebagaimana mereka memelihara aku semasa aku kecil."

My father's operation

On 14.07.2009 (Tuesday)..my father had his cancer removal operation..I can't go back to my hometown because at the same time I had to attend a course which is cannot be escaped.

The operation was started at 11:30am and it was finished at 6:30pm..which is almost 7 hours operation..what a major operation..

I can't focused on my courses since I'm praying for my father..my body is in the class but my soul is in Kuantan. I kept calling my family member to know the progress.

Alhamdulillah..at 6:45pm, I'd received a call from my sister in law and she said my father is in stable condition. But he still did not awake.

After Maghrib prayer I'd called them to find out whether my father is awake or not..and they said he's awake but cannot talk..but he's asking to have some water.. which is prohibited by the doctor..the doctor said my father cannot take anything after the operation..until they said so..

Oh no! Poor my father..I'm really2 sad to hear that..Whatever it is..it is for his benefit..

"Ya Allah! Kau sembuhkanlah ayahku...Amiin"

Radiotherapy (RT) week

Hmmm...Last Monday my father had continue his treatment but only for RT. RT will only take 10-15 minutes. So, I'd suggested that why not my father had discharged from the hospital and stay at my house...I can see from his eyes..he's not happy while were staying in the hospital. In the evening, we'd confirmed to take him home..

From Tuesday till next week I'll sent him to the hospital every morning and sent him back to my house b4 I go to the office. According to my father, the turn for treatment is First Come First Serve basis..so we have to be the no 1 to make sure I reach the office not so late..On Tuesday, we are no 4...Wed-no 3 and today yeessss..we r no 1..I've to run to the RT unit in order to take the No 1...some exercise for me..after some time no exercise..penat gak la..pastu org pun pelik la tgk apsal minah ni dok berlari2...peduli la apa org nak kata..janji my father got the first turn..

2moro is the last day to go to the hospital...i have 2 days for rest..and I'll continue my exercise on monday..

*"Dad, your guiding hand on my shoulder will remain with me forever. ~Author Unknown"

*source from http://www.quotegarden.com/dad-day.html

Chemo & Radio therapy session - 1st Day

On 4/5/2009, I went to HUKM to sent my father for his chemo and radio (C&R) therapy session. He was admitted to the Oncology Ward (Bed 21). So..this is the beginning..

The doctor came for the first time..check here and there..my father's blood has been taken before the C&R session..after everything has been checked..my mother and I had decided to go back home for a while to take some stuff.. my father has to wait for his turn for the chemo session...

In the evening, we come back to HUKM..my father tengah dimasukkan darah..and he look so tired..some affection from the C&R session..after some time we have to go back because I have to fetch my baby from the nursery..maklum la..sekarang jadi "ibu tinggal"..so everything I have to do on my own..

Just to share the meaning of chemotherapy and radiotherapy..

Chemotherapy, in its most general sense, refers to treatment of disease by chemicals^[1] that kill cells, both good and bad, but specifically those of micro-organisms or cancer. In popular usage, it will usually refer to antineoplastic drugs used to treat cancer or the combination of these drugs into a cytotoxic standardized treatment regimen.

Radiation therapy (also radiotherapy or radiation oncology) is the medical use of ionizing radiation as part of cancer treatment to control malignant cells (not to be confused with radiology, the use of radiation in medical imaging and diagnosis). Radiotherapy may be used for curative or adjuvant cancer treatment. It is used as palliative treatment (where cure is not possible and the aim is for local disease control or symptomatic relief) or as therapeutic treatment (where the therapy has survival benefit and it can be curative).

**source from Wikipedia..

Simulation Day

My parents is coming to KL for the simulation process in HUKM. On 7/4, we went to HUKM and we had arrived about 8:30 am.Even though the appointment is at 9:30, I'd decided to go straight to the Klinik Onkologi for the registration. After I'd paid the deposit, we go straight to Simulation Unit. Thank god! We are the first. After we are waiting about 5 min, my father went to the simulation room. The doctor said, it will takes about 30-45 minutes.

I'd decided to have my breakfast with my mother. My father had bought a nasi lemak before and I ate the nasi lemak inside my car. After I'd finished my nasi lemak, we went to the Simulation Unit and I saw my father is waiting for us. He had just finished the simulation process. After Q&A session with the doctor, we can go back. We have to wait another one month before my father can go for the radiotheraphy & chemotheraphy process.

Before we went back, we went to the hospital cafe to eat something lighter before lunch. After that, I'd decided to go to IKEA to spend time with my parents and also to buy a gift for my niece's wedding which will be held on 31/5/2009. After I bought the gift, I'd decided to buy some lauk from Restoran Baloh, Damansara Perdana for our lunch. It's not possible to have our lunch at that restaurant because it will be packed during lunch time and the difficult part, you will not get a parking space. After we had chosen our lauk, we went back to my house. Oh my god! I'm very tired. I need the power nap...ZZZZZZ

In the evening, my father said he wants to buy something. The Giant is very near to my house..so I'd decided to go there only. After we bought our needs, we went back to fecth my baby from the nursery.

I'm really happy because I'd spent some time with my parents. I'll do my best to make them happy.

I can't wait for them to come again in another one month.. ;)

“To understand your parents' love you must raise children yourself.”

Chinese Proverbs quotes